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By Ryan

When it comes to Major League Baseball, I’m a little bit like this guy:

I care about the game, the history of the game, and the players who make it what it is.  That said, I could give a shit less about steroids.

Skinny Cox

Skinny Cox

Let’s be clear: steroids are stupid, and should not be used by anyone under any circumstance.  But if someone is going to take them, I vote for A-Rod rather than the guy you went to high school with whose neck is bigger than Bradford Cox’s waist.  I’ll put it another way: if someone is gonna use heroin, it should be The Flaming Lips, not the broke jerks who live in my alley.  In the right hands, drugs make things better, or at least more interesting.  Steroids are no different.

Athletes who take steroids are mainly guilty of caring too much.  They are hyper-competitive and desire to be loved.  They’re like a crazy mix of Kanye and Lindsay Lohan.  What’s not to like?  Can you imagine if some of the all-time greats cared as much about their stats as they did about their social lives?  Joe DiMaggio’s hit streak might be 75 games long instead of 56.  Babe Ruth might have hit 80 homeruns instead of 60.  And Sandy Koufax might have been able to pitch past the age of 32.

Athletes today have all sorts of advantages that their counterparts fifty years ago did not, so let’s stop pretending that comparing athletes over decades isn’t unfair, irrelevant, and boring.  Hell, everyone in the United States has tools and information that their grandparents did not, which is precisely why we don’t compare today’s accountants with ones from the 1940s.  That, and we all know that accounting peaked in the 1990s (Enron, ho!).

I guess the half-assed point I’m making is this: things progress, people get better at what they do, and anything that improves performance without hurting others is okay by me.  And don’t give me that “but the kids look up to them” bullshit.  Your kids look up to dudes like Weezy and Ashton Kutcher; athletes who take steroids are the least of your problems.